I’m a dweller on the threshold
And I’m waiting at the door
And I’m standing in the darkness
I don’t want to wait no more. -Van Morrison
Several years ago we stepped through a door of opportunity. During that time, I had a great deal of confidence in God and his leadership of my life. One of the verses that I felt God speaking to me during that time was
See, I have placed before you an open door which no one can shut. -Revelation 3:7
It was especially exciting because it truly felt like no one else could have opened that door. But when it was shut abruptly, I have to admit I looked for someone to blame. There were plenty of candidates, we had been mistreated on many accounts. I avoided the truth that God had shut the door himself out of love. It was too much for me.
A few days ago, another door began to open. We were at first cautiously optimistic, then more than cautiously optimistic. This opportunity seems like the culmination of so many things for us. As we waited, I found myself obsessively checking my email, anxious for news. More anxious than I’d been in years. Today, when I asked God what was really going on, I felt his spirit speaking to me,
“I have opened a door that no one can shut.”
I’ve been here before. I’ve told a few of you recently that I felt like a child who saw something she wanted and reached out for it, only to have her hand slapped. So I redirected my energies and reached for something else. My hand got slapped again. And again. Yes, I am a slow learner. But I did notice a pattern, and I have to say, it’s gotten harder to move toward hope, joy, anything. I don’t find this message as comforting as I did 5 years ago. I probed further, and and my internal exchange with God went like this:
I have opened a door that no one can shut.
But, you shut it.
Do you trust me?
I trust you to shut the door in my face.
Then you don’t know me very well. I have opened a door that no one can shut, but you haven’t arrived at that door yet.
Argh. I’m not proud of my attitude, but I need to be honest about this. When God confronted me with my own ugly accusing thoughts, it was the wake up call I needed. Here are the three realizations I’ve had so far:
- God wanted us to be reassured in those times of disappointment by the fact that he shut the doors. Bad things weren’t happening to us, as it appeared at the time. We were right where he wanted us.
- There is a door (an opportunity) for us. It might not be this door, or even the next. Here’s another possibility:
- He is the door. “I am the door. Anyone who enters by me will be saved” John 10:9
There is more in Rev. 3:7-8 that I haven’t fully absorbed yet. What stands out to you? How do you recognize when God is opening a door in your life? How have you dealt with doors that have closed?